I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
