Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
