it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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