Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
