You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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