I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There r osticjed everywhere
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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