we're blogging at a bar
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
