i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
