What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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