If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
