ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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