hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This baby is an asshole
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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