also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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