God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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