My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
