everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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