i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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