This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
