You're completely useless in the revolution.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
