You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
