I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
