hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
