Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
