i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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