Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
