There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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