i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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