my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
