Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
