my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize