He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
