Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
did i walk over a car last night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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