Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
