If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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