dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
