My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
