His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
