we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
