if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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