Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
