On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
