you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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