My sheets look like a crime scene.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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