Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
