If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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