I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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