Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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