I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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