My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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