If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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