i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
