I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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