I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
