If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
