Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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