If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
