You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
