So drunk its hurt
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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