Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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