when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
