You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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