Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
