he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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