these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
