Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Naked. naked and bneed help.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
