When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
